South African Skeptics

Puns

Hermes · 171 · 41719

Offline BoogieMonster

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Plagiarised some FB stuff:

I asked a nudist friend what he was doing this weekend. He had nothing on.

A criminal stole a calendar, he got 12 months.

I bought new running shoes, but they were a bit tekkie.

Why was the Simba Chippie negative? He was going through a dip.

As jy 'n skroewedraaier verkeerd vashou, kan dinge lelik uitdraai!

Alles in die lewe het 'n doel. Veral sokker en netbal.

Hierdie loadshedding sit my liggies af.

Box of tic-tac's for sale: Mint condition.

Sal ek 'n liedjie vir my bank skryf? Absa-lied!

As jy geld by die bank leen, dan is dit jou eie skuld.

Ek dink Spar se drankwinkel is Tops.

I knew a girl with medical aid, pension, and car insurance. She was my friend with benefits.

For my 18th my parents bought me a CAR. I don't even like magazines.

As ek by die ATM kom kry ek onttrekkingssimptome.

Elke keer as ek by KFC inloop kry ek hoendervleis!

Om taai biltong te eet is nie 'n straf nie. Dis 'n sening.

"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool


Offline BoogieMonster

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Driving through Dunkeld West this morning I spied 2 puns in 2 minutes.

One was this...


The other was on a blackboard the garage next-door to said Fournos usually uses to entertain drivers stuck in traffic (moi) with witty things. Sadly phone skills were lacking to catch a pic but it said:

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, and I'm finding I can't put it down".
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool


Offline BoogieMonster

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"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool


Offline BoogieMonster

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Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool



Offline BoogieMonster

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Two windmills are standing in a field. After a while one breaks the silence:
Q: "So, what kind of music do you like?"
A: "I'm a big metal fan"
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool


Offline BoogieMonster

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Pedophilia: Now there's a touchy subject.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool


Offline Rigil Kent

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  • Three men make a tiger.
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."                                                                    - Posted at Chess.com
You know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold.


Offline Mefiante

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  • In solidarity with rwenzori: Κοπρος φανεται
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Actually, that’s a feghoot.

'Luthon64
"Sensitive" people are now carefully examining the entire universe, trying to find something to be "offended" at. It won't stop until such time as the "offenders" learn to stop apologizing, and saying "freck off" instead. — brianvds, The ShoutBox Classics, 02/07/2018.


Offline brianvds

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    • Brian van der Spuy

Offline BoogieMonster

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Q: Why do riot police get to work early?
A: They like to beat the crowd.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool


Offline brianvds

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    • Brian van der Spuy
Q: Why do riot police get to work early?
A: They like to beat the crowd.

And what does the riot policeman's wife cheerfully say to him when he leaves?
A: Break a leg!


Offline BoogieMonster

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You could try to convince me how great auto-asphixiation is until you're blue in the face.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool


Offline brianvds

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You could try to convince me how great auto-asphixiation is until you're blue in the face.

And you can try to convince me to exert myself more until you're red in the face.

And that seasickness is all in the mind until you're green in the face.


Offline BoogieMonster

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This one comes with a crudeness warning. You've been warned.

[spoiler]
Q: What did the one tampon say to the other one?
A: Nothing, they're both stuck up bitches.[/spoiler]
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool