1.The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
-
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
-
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
-
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
-
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
-
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
-
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
-
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
-
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
-
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an apple.
-
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
-
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
-
I wondered why the cricket ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
-
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
-
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
-
A backward poet writes inverse.
-
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count
that votes. -
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
-
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine .
-
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
-
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’
-
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
-
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
-
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
-
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
