South African Skeptics

Puns

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Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #60 on: March 08, 2018, 14:16:17 pm
I slept with a species from another Genus... No Homo.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline brianvds

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Reply #61 on: March 09, 2018, 04:21:33 am
What do you call a snake that is approximately 3.141592 meters long?

- A πthon.

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #62 on: March 09, 2018, 10:45:49 am
Well, I got mixed reviews last time so... proceed with caution.

[spoiler]
What’s the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red for free.
[/spoiler]
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #63 on: March 20, 2018, 09:46:02 am
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline Rigil Kent

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Reply #64 on: March 22, 2018, 11:08:43 am
Mr Bear applies for a job as a cleaner at a pub, and is interviewed inside the establishment.

Publican: What's you name, son?

Mr Bear: I am Mr Bear. Grrrrrrr!

With that, Mr Bear bends down, takes a huge bite out of the counter, chews it up and swallows loudly.

Publican: And where do you stay?

Mr Bear: I live in the woods. Grrrr!

Publican: Do you have any cleaning experience?

Mr Bear: Yes, certainly. I worked at the carwash.

Publican: Do you have a criminal record?

Mr Bear: Of course not! Grrrr!

Publican: And do you abuse drugs, Mr Bear?

Mr Bear: Never have, never will.

Publican: Then ... what about the barbiturate?
You know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold.

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #65 on: March 23, 2018, 11:19:55 am
A man is sitting in an interrogation room and says:
"I'm not saying anything without my lawyer present!"
Cop: "You are a lawyer"
Lawyer: "Exactly, where's my present?"
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline Rigil Kent

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Reply #66 on: March 23, 2018, 11:28:14 am
Master of the paraprosdokian.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Knw1xPM1CS0
You know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold.

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #67 on: March 23, 2018, 11:33:11 am
Steven Wright is likewise.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #68 on: March 26, 2018, 13:18:12 pm
I used to be into BDSM, bestiality and Necrophilia, but then I noticed I'm beating a dead horse.

Edit (bonus): You can't run through a campsite. You can only "ran" because it's past tents.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline Rigil Kent

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Reply #69 on: March 28, 2018, 19:43:38 pm
Not really a pun, but since we're talking about that sort of thing, here is a quote that I enjoyed some years ago.

I prefer my lovers to be female, human and alive. But in a pinch any two out of three will do.
You know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold.

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #70 on: April 10, 2018, 14:59:10 pm
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #71 on: April 13, 2018, 09:56:00 am
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #72 on: April 13, 2018, 10:49:31 am
Two old ladies are sitting in a park when a man in a trench coat suddenly runs up and flashes them.
One had a stroke. The other couldn't reach.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #73 on: April 18, 2018, 10:25:57 am
A lesbian couple gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I said I wanna watch.
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

Offline BoogieMonster

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Reply #74 on: June 07, 2018, 13:43:19 pm
"Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground, Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they make a club and beat their brother down. How they survive, so misguided, is a mystery. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here" - Tool

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